I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
