why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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