reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
