You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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