I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
