Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
