The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
