I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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