Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
