She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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