my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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