there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
