I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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