There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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