I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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