I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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