went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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