Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
