ugly people sure do ruin things
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
