Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
