If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize