he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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