Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
