New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
