would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
