Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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