she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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