You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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