Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
