I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
