No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
