take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
