I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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