Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
