brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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