just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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