So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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