Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
