I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
