question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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