Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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