Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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