is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
