why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
