I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
