I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
