so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
