The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
