Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
