I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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