did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
