she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
