He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So vagazzling was a success
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
