my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
