Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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