Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
bring money and cleavage
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
