final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
