now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
