I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
