i was rollin on her like bob the builder
People in love make me want to vomit
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
