im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
love makes seman taste better
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
