Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
