put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
