Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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