just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
