Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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