You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
