It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
